I’ve been in a reflective mood today. I’ve had a very rough 2 years: a failed marriage, broken financial promises, losing a friendship over a simple misunderstanding…it’s like every time I start to get through something. ..a new painful situation arises. 

If you would have asked me 2 years ago if I saw myself, in the futur, ever getting past the pain and heartaches that I was experiencing ..I would have laughed and called you crazy. I was in grudge mode.

I focused so much of my time and energy into anger and resentment…and for what? The only person I hurt was myself. Hatred,and resentment are such a waste of space Also, as a Christian, I believe that all impure thoughts and behaviors are straight from the pits of hell…they are not of God. So, when God says to forgive, but I don’t, then I am being disobedient to God’s word. When I harbor a grudge or resentment in my heart, I am allowing Satan to occupy a space that is only meant to be occupied by God’s love and forgiveness. How can I claim that I am a child of God when I act so foolishly? How can I set a good example of my values when I’m just talking the talk but not walking the walk? The answer is, I can’t.

Forgiveness is not always easy. I suffer from a condition known as ‘stubbornness. ‘ My stubbornness is a constant struggle and it brings nothing but negativity to my life when I allow it in.  Sometimes I am so hurt that I don’t want to forgive someone, especially if they haven’t asked for it. But what good does my resentment and unforgiving heart do for me? Nothing! It leaves me feeling cold, lonely, empty and angry…my heart hardens a little bit each time I hold a grudge or withhold forgiveness. In essence…I’m damaging MYSELF….not the transgressor!

When I think back to all the poor decisions I’ve made in my life that have affected others (my son in particular)I mentally and emotionally beat myself over said decisions. Why? Because ‘self hatred’ is exactly where the devil wants my mind to go…and when I do start analyzing every bad decision I’ve made and start beating myself up over them…I have let Satan win.
Forgiveness is freedom. You don’t need to wait to be asked for forgiveness…do it as soon as possible, for yourself…it’ll bring you peace. When you have peace and are practicing God’s love…there won’t be much room for anger. When you start to feel like your past is overwhelming your present…pray. Don’t give the devil the power to distract you with a past that you might not be proud of…but that you can’t change.  Forgive yourself and move on. The only behavior that you can control is in the here and now and the future….the past is done and over. Leave it there.

Forgiveness brings healing.

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