Yep! People didn’t realize how disappointed I was in my life, they had no idea the hurt I was feeling or the anger that was simmering just beneath my surface. I was a great actress. The reality was….I was a complete mess, a walking disaster! I had let my circumstances defeat me. I became hard and resentful. I was a shell of the person I had once been before I let my marital situation control my emotions and attitude. I couldn’t remember what it felt like to be at peace.
Life can either push you over the edge, numb you or bring you to your knees. I’ve been to the edge, I didn’t like the view. I’ve been numb, it didn’t do me any good. I was finally brought back to my knees and I was given hope, peace, love, comfort…all these things that I knew I could have had, long before, if I would have just given God control of my life again. I wasted so many years being stubborn and bitter but I guess I needed to hit rock bottom so hard that the only choice I had left was to look up. Once I raised my eyes and focused on God….my transformation began.
I’ve been through so much in the past year and a half that many people would have just thrown their hands in the air and given up. I get told all the time how people admire my strength and perseverance and how they can’t believe that I can still have such a cheerful attitude after all I’ve gone through. It’s NOT me. It’s a God thing. I could not have made it through all of the trials that were sent my way had I not given God control.
I still have days where I struggle to remain cheerful. I still have times where I cry out to God and ask Him “why me?!” There are still moments where I’d like nothing more than to curl up into a ball and cry. What keeps me going is the hope I’m consistently given when I’m feeling my weakest and the knowledge that God has great things in store for me.
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Every time I think I can’t possibly handle another disappointed or another hardship, God blesses me in a way that I can’t deny Him and He reminds me that HE’S GOT THIS!
I don’t always understand why things are allowed to happen in my life the way they do, I don’t know exactly what God has in store for my future, all I know is that His blessings continue to show His faithfulness, His timing is always perfect and His plans for my life are HUGE. I’m so unbelievably happy that I allowed Him back into my life and gave Him back the control.
The power of God is absolutely amazing!
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